I Can No Longer Deny This

ok I know this is a long, so if you have to read part and then come back please do.

Just please read it through, it may change your life. If I have to make a change as I continue the proofreading process i will post the date and time edited here at the top because I sometimes find those typos that give the sentence the exact opposite meaning (like leaving out the word "not" or accidentally putting that word "not" in.*****edited 6/12/10 @ 01:30****

again please read it through, this experience is life changing for me, maybe it will be for you too.

have I great weekend friends, I love you all


Babilicular: (I need an help with my new religion/religious philosufies)

Today was very spiritual believe it or not. I know that I have minor fits of rage sometimes (but it’s only cause I get frustrated) More frustrated than the average person I think. Today though, today was an accidental coming across of very important meaning and significance. As some of you might have seen I leave comments on Ruth’s Rumi Days blog. In fact I think her just doing something simple like posted a page everyday (and keeping it on the order of the book).

And that’s the crazy part (shouldn’t really say coincidence or refer to it as “accidental” as in the paragraph above) To do so would be to deny God’s hand in our daily lives. That would be really hard to do when these divine directionings happen on a daily basis. You may think I am joking, but I am being serious, daily. Daily these hands of the divine come damn near physically directing me. I don’t know how to explain it in a way that you won’t think I am crazy, so I won’t waste time trying to convince you. I will just go ahead and state what is completely obvious to me.

Today as I was cruising the web I came across some of the background info on the book that Ruth posts from. Well not specifically the book that her daily excerpts displayed, but more on the actual person who was behind these profound ideals that so completely enmesh with me and are in total harmony with everything happening in my life. It’s just beautiful and I don’t know how to describe any other way unless I were to just say “love”. It’s all about love.

And this fellow Rumi is not actually an author (well a living one anyway) Believe it or not he was a spiritualists that late 1500’s and so the original written language that they were in was akin to sand script or a language that was nearly impossible to out into English other than jumbled nonsense that just repeats three words over and aver again spiraling into gibberish (like a crappy amateur poet who thinks he is Shel Silverstein or when musicians take drugs and think they recorded some breakthrough sound until the next day when they listen to the music they recorded)

Anyway I really don’t know how to describe it without sounded completely crazy, so I will just tell you the rest of my day as it unfolded. For some strange reason one of my daughters had no school. It was due to budget cuts and actually this was one of nearly 6 or 7 days off this year for no other reason than trimming the cost of a fiscal school year. But that is another post in and of itself. So one daughter had school and the other didn’t. What I hadn’t planned on was no after school daycare til 5pm. 4J transportation called and said my daughter bus driver went to drop her off and nobody was there. That the driver was going to return my daughter to her school as there were still teachers there and that I needed to pick her up ASAP and gave me a number to call to contact them with how long I would be.

My older daughter (the one who was being rerouted) as I may have told you she is a Downs Syndrome child and structure or things going as planned are crucial for her to stay calm and in essence is the environment where she is the most functional. Yeah well, what happened today was anything but normal. Because the was no day care there was nobody their to help the bus driver (an older woman). I was not their but I can assure you it was hell on the driver. My daughter simply refused because that was not what she was supposed to do, she gets off HERE and WAITS inside for my to get there and the driver could get bent for all my daughter cared. Anyway I guess a jogger had witnessed the incident an was going to call the police except that she tried 4J transportation first and got through.

This is such a long post but trust me there is some deep spiritual stuff going on here. I am on my way, calling the school to let them know I’ll be there within 20 minutes. I can hear my daughter in the background screaming

“this is OK! I tell bus driver she WRONG! I AM MADDD!!!!” oh God and then as I am hanging up I was pretty sure I heard her yell
“bucking driver!” yeah, that’s how she says it and yes she means the F-word and yes the They had to have heard it.

I hang up and then it comes to me. Ruth’s other blog is Syncronizing!! How could I miss that and oh the irony. It truly was a spiritual awakening.

A divine calling

I honestly think I should at least give it a try to lead the world out of spiritual darkness and let my spiritual gift shine bright, like the old primary song Jesus wants me for a Sun Beam.

An then I was calm. Yeah the principle was there waiting with my daughter who was now sobbing but at least not yelling and wouldn’t it be my luck? It couldn’t be the lunch lady who was still there to wait til I picked her up. It couldn’t be a teacher or teacher’s aid.

NO

It couldn’t even be the Vice Principle

NO

It was THE Principle. I was hoping he was not going to say anything as my daughter was so upset and crying. I ran up and hugged her. Picked her up and kissed her and told her everything would be OK. I would NEVER ABANDON her ever. That they could only stop me by killing me (which got me a glare from the Principle) but she immediately stopped crying.

I am thanking him for waiting for me and saying how sorry am I. That keeping to a routine is crucial for her and when things like this happen she looses it. I said I can only imagine what the driver must have gone through because I could hear my daughter screaming when she dropped her back off and 4J transportation informed me that the police were almost called when she had to get her back on the bus alone.

I was hoping he wouldn’t say anything about the f-word, but he did. He said that he didn’t discipline her because she was so worked up but that he thinks I really need to say something to her right there before we leave. He told me I really should correct her right there now that she isn’t crying but here right now before we leave so that it is more in context so that she will better understand what she said that was wrong.

*sigh* OK

I knelt down and asked her to please look me in the eye (this is important because my daughter has this belief that she doesn’t have to hear it if she can avoid eye contact. I have her look right at me)

“honey, you do understand that you need to listen to the driver” I explained that I knew today was NOT the routine but there was no other way and it had to be done. It is really important that when these days happen (such days will happen as things do not always go according to plan) she must learn to deal with these non-routine days in a appropriate way.

My daughter then tells me (in front of the principle) that she was trying to tell her that she was doing the wrong thing. That she wasn’t going anywhere til she could talk to her dad

“she not listen and drag me onto bus so I hit her because I bery mad”

She said that the jogger had a phone and had the driver verify with 4J he was the correct driver and calm the jogger down. My daughter then told me

“I just need to call my dad, he not listening, I was MAD!!!” and I said

“ OK Honey, this sounds like the situation that we have talked about before, do you remember what we said we would do when we were really really mad?” Do you remember the words we use when you feel like you are about to hit someone?”

She says “I already kick him” *sigh*

“ no sweaty, I mean the words we should say? Did you call the driver a bad word? The F-word?”

She nodded yes

“Honey and when we feel we are about to hit someone OR like you said you ALREADY KICKED them, do you remember what words are OK to use?”

And then for her it was like a light bulb flicked on (she instantly and seemingly miraculously understood)

You could see it in hers eyes, they lit up (like how I felt the moment I realized just hours ago I should come up with from breakthrough and TRUE religious beliefs or instructions to live life righteously with out having to translate God ‘s word because I will do it for you. In ways that are easy to understand and cut and dry,

black and white

And their easy to understand and obey god’s word.

(anyway I don’t think babilicular is the right name for my translations to be named so I need your help)

I have to name it something good so that it is obvious to people by the name alone it is truly the only real word of God in written out English

But anyway let me finish this real quick, tomorrow we can help guide the world

So her eye light up with insight that you can physically see it happen and it is awe inspiring and very profound

“Honey you called her the f-word, and you felt you kick was justified, what should we have called that person?”

“Da God Damn?” she asked and I nod and then she seems confident to keep going in response to my encouragement, with my *nod* in agreement and my daughter said this with a little more confidence

“she do it to her mudder?….she Da God Damned Mudder Bucker?”

“that’s right Honey, when you have to kick or punch, you don’t just call them Fuckers, those people are God Damned Mother Fuckers!”

Lets go home sweetie

As we are walking away my daughter says

“I try do tell da princibull that he not listen, he make me mad, I going to kick him but you got there…he Da God Damned too! And da mudder bucker, I not like him”

“I wouldn’t either honey, I wouldn’t like him one bit, in fact that is going to be a big part of my easy to follow spirirtual enlightenment plan …. God says you do NOT have to like Mother Fuckers”

She chuckles for a quick sec

“you funny dad, you funny”